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Christian marriage Q & A from a minister, writer and successful marriage partner of nearly 25 years!
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DISCLAIMER: While I am a pastor, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or degreed counselor. Please understand this (I will remind you often). What I *am* is a wife of nearly 25 years who has made many observations, both humorous and grave, enlightening and frustrating, and who has come to many conclusions about marriage. The purpose of this column will be to share the Biblical insight God has given on this remarkable union between woman and man, and to share the minuscule traces of wisdom that I've acquired from doing marriage wrong, and doing it right!
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Q. My husband and I love each other very much, but we fight and argue all the time! We both regret it, and make up quickly, but we seem to disagree about everything. Can you offer any advice?
*Marie
* Personal details have been changed.
Marie, let me encourage you and tell you that if you and your husband are both willing to compromise, you can get beyond this problem and have a happy and peaceful marriage! Trust me... I've been there.
My husband and I fell in love very soon after we met, but we were (and are!) polar opposites in personality and temperament. I'm a high strung, creative, do-it-now, quick-decision-making type person. He's a low-key, laid-back, take-it-easy, don't-make-a-decision-until-you've-thought- about-every-angle type. We clashed on our second date!
We were not Christians at the time, which made matters worse, but even after Jesus changed our lives, we battled for years to get along peaceably. Here are some hard-learned lessons that helped us come to the place we are today where we can barely remember the last time we truly argued. Mind you, we still disagree! But we've learned to do so agreeably. Perhaps these principles will help you and your husband.
1. Put your spouse's needs before your own.
This is easier said than done, but it's crucial to a right relationship -- marriage or otherwise! James 4:1-2 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it... You quarrel and fight." When we put OUR desires and OUR wants before those of others, we not only do not please God, who expects us to "love our neighbors as [ourselves]," (Matthew 22:39) but we also cause fights and quarrels with others because of our self-centered attitudes.
"Giving in" is not "giving up." Contrary to popular belief, you don't lose a part of yourself because you compromise or let someone else have their way. Especially with unimportant matters. You actually become a better person when you learn to put others ahead of yourself.
2. Communicate calmly and clearly.
Another biggie if you want to get along better with anyone -- and especially your spouse -- is to learn to communicate well. Don't yell or scream (I'm guilty of this one!). Don't get mad and pout. Don't expect someone to know what you mean if you don't express yourself clearly. We may (and hopefully, do!) love each other when we marry, but we don't *know* each other. We must learn to understand how our spouse thinks and how s/he reacts to certain situations. And if we want our spouse to know US better, we have to teach them about us as well.
If you have a complaint, express it, but do so quietly, without raising your voice or becoming overly upset. Attack the problem, NOT the person. Don't insult your spouse or call names. Discuss the situation as calmly as possible and look for a mutually agreeable solution. Again, not easy to do, but you'll be amazed at the difference it makes in your marriage!
3. Compromise.
I know from personal experience that if I had to choose only one piece of advice for a new couple, this would be it, yet it's the one area that so many newlyweds neglect.
If your husband doesn't like you to leave the cap off the toothpaste, put the cap back on the toothpaste. If your wife hates it when you leave the toilet seat up, put the toilet seat down. If you want a green sofa, but your husband hates green, get a blue sofa, or a brown one that you BOTH like. Learn to compromise.
I call this common courtesy. It begins at home.
So what if you've "always done it that way," or if you don't understand "why it's such a big deal"? If it's causing an argument, it's a big enough deal to change. So change it. What's more important... leaving the cap off the toothpaste or making your husband happy?
We marry to be with someone who loves us and to share our love with someone else. A major aspect of love is in the giving... if we truly learn to give, we will eliminate the majority of our marital spats and can literally change our marriage overnight. Try it and see for yourself.
(All scripture references taken from the NIV unless otherwise noted.)
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Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Christian Discussion Forums
I found a really neat online community today... ChristianForums.com (this is a referral link - I get "blessings" for referring new members). Ever been there?
It looks like fun! They offer all kinds of interraction, games, prayer support, Biblical counsel and much more. It's the largest Christian forum I recall visiting. And it appears to be very active. We'll see.
Check it out and let me know what you think!
It looks like fun! They offer all kinds of interraction, games, prayer support, Biblical counsel and much more. It's the largest Christian forum I recall visiting. And it appears to be very active. We'll see.
Check it out and let me know what you think!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Beauty is More Than Skin Deep
While Peter and Paul both warn women of allowing our beauty to be our driving force (1 Peter 3:3 and 1 Timothy 2:9), common sense tells us we should make the most of our beauty. Consider Esther and the Song of Solomon. The Inner Beauty Girlz blog shares ideas on both types of beauty - internal, meaning spirtual, and external, as in making the most of what God has given us.
You'll find posts relating to "safe" cosmetics, how to choose the right color for your skin and more beauty topics, along with encouragement for Christian women and even a neat contest where you can win an autographed book, Beauty Secrets of the Bible.
It's a girly pink blog (and there's nothing wrong with that!) and one that many Christian women will enjoy reading.
You'll find posts relating to "safe" cosmetics, how to choose the right color for your skin and more beauty topics, along with encouragement for Christian women and even a neat contest where you can win an autographed book, Beauty Secrets of the Bible.
It's a girly pink blog (and there's nothing wrong with that!) and one that many Christian women will enjoy reading.
What's Your Website Worth?
If you're thinking of selling a website, or would just like to know what your site might be worth, there is a free tool at http://directory.sootle.com/website-worth/ that lets you enter your URL and it evaluates the number of links you have, etc. and comes back with a dollar amount of what your website is worth. My Sensible Site Solutions came in at over $16,000! Bishop's Corner, which is a much newer site, valued at over $4,000.
Don't know that you'd be able to sell it for what they say, but it's a good starting place to give you an idea of how to price a website. I've used it in the past and got close to what they projected as my value for a site. So, what's your site worth?
Don't know that you'd be able to sell it for what they say, but it's a good starting place to give you an idea of how to price a website. I've used it in the past and got close to what they projected as my value for a site. So, what's your site worth?
Monday, February 25, 2008
Marriage By the Book... Marriage that Lasts
------------------------------------------------------------
Christian marriage Q & A from a minister, writer and successful marriage partner of nearly 25 years!
------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER: While I am a pastor, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or degreed counselor. Please understand this (I will remind you often). What I *am* is a wife of nearly 25 years who has made many observations, both humorous and grave, enlightening and frustrating, and who has come to many conclusions about marriage. The purpose of this column will be to share the Biblical insight God has given on this remarkable union between woman and man, and to share the minuscule traces of wisdom that I've acquired from doing marriage wrong, and doing it right!
Q: I'm not married yet, but when I do marry, I want it to last forever. What can I do to ensure I don't end up in divorce court like so many of my friends?
Read Marriage By the Book... Priority One! And then be sure that you give your marriage priority in your life. If you're serious about building a successful marriage, it takes work... a LOT of work. That old adage that "marriage is a 50/50 proposition" is a lot of hogwash (what IS hogwash, anyway?). At any rate, it just isn't true. Marriage takes 100% from BOTH partners to succeed. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently!
There may be times when one partner is able -- or required -- to give more than the other. But at other times those roles will be reversed. We carry each other sometimes. That's one of the reasons we're together. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up..." This applies to marriage as well. It's a partnership that involves teamwork and devotion.
Put Christ first in your life and your spouse second, and you'll do a lot toward ensuring you never end up in divorce.
(All scripture references taken from the NIV.)
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Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
Christian marriage Q & A from a minister, writer and successful marriage partner of nearly 25 years!
------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER: While I am a pastor, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or degreed counselor. Please understand this (I will remind you often). What I *am* is a wife of nearly 25 years who has made many observations, both humorous and grave, enlightening and frustrating, and who has come to many conclusions about marriage. The purpose of this column will be to share the Biblical insight God has given on this remarkable union between woman and man, and to share the minuscule traces of wisdom that I've acquired from doing marriage wrong, and doing it right!
Q: I'm not married yet, but when I do marry, I want it to last forever. What can I do to ensure I don't end up in divorce court like so many of my friends?
Read Marriage By the Book... Priority One! And then be sure that you give your marriage priority in your life. If you're serious about building a successful marriage, it takes work... a LOT of work. That old adage that "marriage is a 50/50 proposition" is a lot of hogwash (what IS hogwash, anyway?). At any rate, it just isn't true. Marriage takes 100% from BOTH partners to succeed. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently!
There may be times when one partner is able -- or required -- to give more than the other. But at other times those roles will be reversed. We carry each other sometimes. That's one of the reasons we're together. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up..." This applies to marriage as well. It's a partnership that involves teamwork and devotion.
Put Christ first in your life and your spouse second, and you'll do a lot toward ensuring you never end up in divorce.
(All scripture references taken from the NIV.)
-----
Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
Friday, February 22, 2008
Successful Promotion Using Flyers
Thinking of using flyers to promote your business? Good thinking! Flyers are a GREAT marketing idea that cost little and give lots of exposure.
Some simple tips to make your promotion successful:
• Make sure your design is clean and uncluttered.
• Proofread!
• Add a simple photo or graphic... not mandatory, but adds visual interest.
• Copy on colored paper, if you like, but opt for pastels rather than brights - they're easier to read.
Once you've designed and printed your flyers, leave them EVERYWHERE!
• Under doors
• On counters at neighborhood stores
• Stapled or taped to utility poles (if your city or county allows this!)
• On community bulletin boards
• At schools and colleges
• Enlist your kids to go door-to-door
• Swap distribution with others who have flyers, too - you hand out theirs and they hand out yours
• On car windshields
• ANYWHERE else you can think of!
Flyers are a proven, low-cost marketing method that truly works to get your business name known in your community. Make the most of them and watch your business grow!
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Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
Some simple tips to make your promotion successful:
• Make sure your design is clean and uncluttered.
• Proofread!
• Add a simple photo or graphic... not mandatory, but adds visual interest.
• Copy on colored paper, if you like, but opt for pastels rather than brights - they're easier to read.
Once you've designed and printed your flyers, leave them EVERYWHERE!
• Under doors
• On counters at neighborhood stores
• Stapled or taped to utility poles (if your city or county allows this!)
• On community bulletin boards
• At schools and colleges
• Enlist your kids to go door-to-door
• Swap distribution with others who have flyers, too - you hand out theirs and they hand out yours
• On car windshields
• ANYWHERE else you can think of!
Flyers are a proven, low-cost marketing method that truly works to get your business name known in your community. Make the most of them and watch your business grow!
-----
Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
Thursday, February 21, 2008
What Should We Pray?
Prayer is an important aspect of our Christian faith. That's probably why there are hundreds - or thousands! - of books and articles on the subject of prayer. Many of them address the issue of HOW to pray without covering WHAT to pray... what to say when you pray.
As a pastor, it's sad to say that my own prayers bore me at times. My lack of imagination causes me to pray the same things over and over...
"Lord... meet their needs. Draw them to you. Forgive them. Open their eyes. Heal them. Touch them."
While the desire is to see God work - and that's a good thing - there are times when I yearn for more creative, original thoughts when praying.
Here are three things that I've "borrowed" from others whose prayers have touched my heart and reached into my soul. Perhaps they'll help you as much as they've helped me.
• Pray the Scriptures.
There are many beautiful passages in the Scriptures that truly draw our hearts toward God. The Psalms, being poetry and songs, especially seem to invite us to let the words become our own.
Psalm 100 has always been a favorite of mine, perhaps because it was one of the few I memorized as a child. But Psalm 51, Psalm 37 and Psalm 24 have also meant a lot to me in times of need and I have prayed them often.
When looking for other passages, the books of Isaiah, Joshua and John come to mind as offering a number of sample prayers. Then there's the well-known "Prayer of Jabez" (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) and of course, Psalm 23 and the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-12) which are classics.
• Pray a song.
There are many wonderful hymns that are actually prayers. Select your favorites and sing or recite them to the Lord. But don't neglect newer numbers. Many contemporary songs offer amazing, creative approaches for communing with God.
Bob Carlisle, best known for his hit, "Butterfly Kisses," has recorded several songs that I've personally used as prayers many times. His songs "Use Me" and "Chance I Have to Take" from his debut album had more to do with me accepting God's call to full-time ministry than anything else in my life at the time. The lyrics of these two songs became, literally, the cries of my heart. And God heard those cries and called me to full-time service for Him.
Be careful what you pray for.
• Read the prayers of others.
Books of Christian poetry often contain prayers. Or you can visit some wonderful Websites with prayers and poems to help you creatively draw near the Father.
While I'm not a member of the Roman Catholic church, I thoroughly enjoy the idea of praying the Apostles' Creed as many Catholics do. Then there is always the "Serenity Prayer." You can also search Google or Yahoo for websites with "sample prayers" for many other options.
There are many other options for praying, including memorized prayers, silent meditations and simple conversations with God. While prayer doesn't have to contain flowery phrases or uniquely imaginative words, it does help us to put some thought into our prayers so they don't become simply "sounding brass" or "clanging cymbals" in the ears of our Lord.
Article copyright © by Darlene Bishop. All rights reserved worldwide.
-----
Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
As a pastor, it's sad to say that my own prayers bore me at times. My lack of imagination causes me to pray the same things over and over...
"Lord... meet their needs. Draw them to you. Forgive them. Open their eyes. Heal them. Touch them."
While the desire is to see God work - and that's a good thing - there are times when I yearn for more creative, original thoughts when praying.
Here are three things that I've "borrowed" from others whose prayers have touched my heart and reached into my soul. Perhaps they'll help you as much as they've helped me.
• Pray the Scriptures.
There are many beautiful passages in the Scriptures that truly draw our hearts toward God. The Psalms, being poetry and songs, especially seem to invite us to let the words become our own.
Psalm 100 has always been a favorite of mine, perhaps because it was one of the few I memorized as a child. But Psalm 51, Psalm 37 and Psalm 24 have also meant a lot to me in times of need and I have prayed them often.
When looking for other passages, the books of Isaiah, Joshua and John come to mind as offering a number of sample prayers. Then there's the well-known "Prayer of Jabez" (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) and of course, Psalm 23 and the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-12) which are classics.
• Pray a song.
There are many wonderful hymns that are actually prayers. Select your favorites and sing or recite them to the Lord. But don't neglect newer numbers. Many contemporary songs offer amazing, creative approaches for communing with God.
Bob Carlisle, best known for his hit, "Butterfly Kisses," has recorded several songs that I've personally used as prayers many times. His songs "Use Me" and "Chance I Have to Take" from his debut album had more to do with me accepting God's call to full-time ministry than anything else in my life at the time. The lyrics of these two songs became, literally, the cries of my heart. And God heard those cries and called me to full-time service for Him.
Be careful what you pray for.
• Read the prayers of others.
Books of Christian poetry often contain prayers. Or you can visit some wonderful Websites with prayers and poems to help you creatively draw near the Father.
While I'm not a member of the Roman Catholic church, I thoroughly enjoy the idea of praying the Apostles' Creed as many Catholics do. Then there is always the "Serenity Prayer." You can also search Google or Yahoo for websites with "sample prayers" for many other options.
There are many other options for praying, including memorized prayers, silent meditations and simple conversations with God. While prayer doesn't have to contain flowery phrases or uniquely imaginative words, it does help us to put some thought into our prayers so they don't become simply "sounding brass" or "clanging cymbals" in the ears of our Lord.
Article copyright © by Darlene Bishop. All rights reserved worldwide.
-----
Darlene "Dee" Bishop is a writer and creative designer with decades on online experience and the owner of Bishop's Corner, an online/catalog shop offering hundreds of quality gifts, home decor items, toys, housewares, furniture and more with nearly 1,000 products under $20. Visit her today at http://BishopsTN.com
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